WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I DON’T FIT IN?

Do you wonder why the price of gas is rising? I may or may not have answered the question in LAST WEEK'S BLOG... Check it out if you missed it.

Why do we feel like we don't fit in sometimes? Why does belonging matter? Imposter syndrome is real. Sometimes, we wonder why we feel like we don't belong, why we panic, why we feel like we don't know what we're doing. Well, here's some good news... Watch the following video or keep reading for more.

Now, the good news is there's for sure one area of your life where you do fit in, so celebrate that and take that energy from that piece of your life, that portion of your life where you feel that you belong, and extend that to the rest of your life. Specifically to the other area that you may feel that you don't belong, maybe.

I did publish an extensive blog series on imposter syndrome, and as I'm not going to repeat everything, we'll just do a quick recap. You can check out the first part HERE if you'd like to dig deeper. When we have imposter syndrome, we're not really a hundred percent confident. We hear our own negative self-talk, we hear ourselves thinking: "Oh, I don't know what I'm doing, and if only people knew how lost I am, they wouldn't believe in me." We assume that people around us have their stuff together. Well, they're more likely just like us, trying to figure out what to do in the very unusual circumstances that keep piling up since this new normal, since 2020! Let's be honest: We've had quite the ride, and nobody is able to predict what is going to happen. Nobody can feel a hundred percent confident about the future.

So when we're in presence of others, whether we're new to a group, or maybe you've been working for a corporation for a while, and you feel like you don't belong, or you're building your own businesses, or you are meeting other entrepreneurs... Whatever it is, we may feel like we don't belong, because in our head, we feel like we have no idea what we're doing, but in reality, it's the same for everybody.

Why is that important anyway? Why should we care about feeling like we belong? Everything is online now. And we have become quite comfortable by ourselves, alone, without socializing or mingling with others. Let's talk about what happens in your brain when you feel disconnected or feel like you don't belong.

THREAT DETECTION

You may have heard of the amygdala. I've talked about it before: it detects and tries to avoid threats. Well, recent research suggests that it's not JUST physical threats. Social disconnection may be processed in the brain in the very same way as the threat of physical harm. What happens when you feel like you don't belong, or you lack social connectedness? There's a complex alarm system that sets up a motion in your brain, a series of neurophysiological processes that includes your Amygdala, the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula. These are the areas of the brain that are connected to pain processing. The sympathetic nervous system goes into overdrive. It increases inflammation. It compromises the immune system. Nobody wants to work with a compromised immune system, because that's when we get sick.

People experiencing social rejection or isolation could potentially be less protected against conditions such as heart disease or cancer. On the other hand, people who have satisfying social relationships and feel cared for and loved for are more physically healthy and live longer.

INFLAMMATION & PAIN COUNTERACTION

Your brain is amazing, and it's also equipped with a whole other system that generates stress-reducing neuropeptides such as opiates and oxytocin, which boost the immune system and protects the body from damage due to inflammation. In order to get your oxytocin shot, you need to be in presence of others. Online is not going to cut it... You get the oxytocin shot through other peoples' eyes. Have you ever finished a one-hour meeting on Zoom and felt more exhausted than if you had had a full day of meeting in person? It's because when you're looking at the camera, you're not looking at other people's eyes. And if you're looking at their eyes, you're not looking at the camera. So, at one point, the connection is missing.

What can you do to get that oxytocin shot? Well, one of the fastest (and most efficient!) way is through an orgasm, but obviously, we're not having sex with 99.9% of people that we meet, right? The next best thing is a hug or a compliment. Being nice. The oxytocin shot will be given to the person that gives a compliment, to the person that receives a compliment, and to the person that witnesses the compliment or the act of kindness. It's a win-win-win situation! If you're with friends, just a pat in the back or holding somebody's hand will make a big difference.

NEW & IMPROVED

Confidence and mindset have not always been in the top forefront of researchers. The medical world is now studying mindset, studying confidence, studying ways to make these natural sources of feel-good chemicals available, because it is now proven that it will lengthen our health.

When I started speaking about confidence 15 years ago, it wasn't that popular. It's always been super interesting to me, however, it was not the number one topic that corporations were looking to hire speakers for. They wanted hard skills, but now, they are understanding that without mindset, you don't have anything.

I was just approached by Kevin Harrington from the Shark Tank to write a chapter in his next book on mindset! Yeah, small town girl here, and one of the sharks wants me to write a chapter on confidence and mindset in his next book, which is going to be endorsed by Tony Robbins! Highly successful people in the big leagues are now aware that mindset is the key to success.

I hope you understand that belonging is really important. It's important for your health. It's important for your mental state. It's important for your confidence, and confidence is at the base of everything. It starts with the way you talk to yourself. It starts with your own ability to give yourself shots of oxytocin, and it starts with your ability to be who you want to be and trust that you can get there, trust that you can meet your goals. Because when you feel that you fit in, when you feel like you belong, it generates so much great feel-good chemicals. And next time you feel like you don't fit in, try telling yourself: "I think that maybe people around me are just the same and we're all in the same boat together, and yes, I do belong."