Let's talk about triangulation. If you're wondering what that is... Well, let's call it gossiping. Let's say someone did something to you that caused for you to not be at your best, for some reason. We'll call them the persecutor. That makes you the victim, right? What do you do when this happens? You don't go talk to the persecutor, right? You talk to someone else about it, and then everybody else is being disturbed and caught in the middle of it, because you tell the whole world about what happened. Keep reading or watch the video below for more...
You spend 52 minutes per day talking to the wrong person about something that happened. A great example of triangulation is when two parents are separating, and somehow, their child gets caught in the crossfire. The mom complains to her daughter, unknowingly trying to get the daughter to tell her dad about it...
That's exactly what triangulation is: There's a victim, there's a persecutor, and somehow, a third person gets pulled into the mix that has nothing to do with it, and then they're supposed to be the rescuer, but they're in no position to make any changes to the situation. When the victim goes to the rescuer to talk about the problem, it doesn't solve it!
Even if you tell all your coworkers about this manager, it's not going to change anything. You have to go talk to the manager. The problem is we are very often intimidated by that person, because in our own heads, we have our own obstacles to confidence. We need to get rid of these obstacles. You need to have the courage to go to the source, immediately when something happens.
I get so many texts from my clients that say: "Nathalie, I don't know what to do." I was coaching a young girl recently and she was in one of those triangulation situations. She said: "I spoke about it with my other friends. I talked about it with my mom. And even my mom said: 'Well, call Nathalie. She's your coach. She can help you with that.' " And I answered: "We're not the ones you need to talk to. You need to talk to the person."
Somehow, the fact that we don't have the courage to go talk to them is what lengthens the problem. So how do we remove these obstacles? All you need is to realize that a good conversation is much easier than anything else. You waste a lot more energy talking to everybody else about it! That hour every day, at about a 30$/hour wage, adds up to $30K per year. For a business that has about a hundred employees, we are talking about a $3 million loss. All because people don't have the confidence to talk to each other about a difficult situation or a conflict!
Get rid of those obstacles in your mind that keep you from having these conversations, and go talk to the person directly. You will avoid months or even years of resentment. Avoid triangulation and start saving $30,000 a year that you waste talking to everyone but the person who needs to be addressed in order for this to be fixed.
WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN OBSTACLES TO CONFIDENCE.
We need to get rid of these obstacles. We need to have the courage to go to the source, immediately when something happens.
Download your copy of the Confidence Guide to discover 15 Keys to Find Confidence and Unlock your Full Potential... And have those difficult conversations.
The Guide includes:
- The List of the 15 Keys to Confidence.
- Questions for You to Assess Your Current Situation.
- Questions for You to Take Action.
Check out some of my previous blog posts...
4 Signs to Know If You're Confident
How to Deal With a Coworker That Drives You Nuts
5 Strategies to Get Along