In last week's blog, I talked about how confidence sometimes starts as a lie. It actually happened to me a few years ago... It was the most embarrassing moment of my life. Read about it HERE if you missed it.
As I was carrying our breakfast outside this morning, because it's a beautiful day here in Palm desert, I got to thinking about something. How heavy is a coffee mug? It depends on the size of it, it depends on how full it is, it depends on what it's made of... The thing is, though, it doesn't matter how heavy it is. What matters is how long you've been holding it. Keep reading or watch the video version below for more...
If you hold the mug only for a few minutes, it's not heavy at all, but if you hold it for two hours, your arm's going to start to get tired. If you hold it for a full day, then it's going to become really, really heavy. The same thing happens in life. If something small happens to you, something very light, but you don't deal with and keep holding it... Guess what's going to happen? It's going to become heavier and heavier. The longer you carry it, the longer it will hurt. Your “muscles” are going to ache. Or in this case, your mindset. Your “mind muscles” are going to use up so much energy in order to make you process that information that you did not deal with because you may have been too busy to take care of when it happened.
I work with a lot of corporations who hire me because they want me to instill confidence in their staff. What I'm actually there to do is the reverse. I'm not there to give anybody confidence. I'm there to remove all the stuff that keeps them from seeing this confidence that they already have inside.
Everybody has that clarity. Everybody knows what to do. Everybody can make a perfect judgment based on their knowledge, based on their qualifications and all the reasons why they are great at their job. But the problem is, very often, there's a whole bunch of little things that are accumulated on top of these answers and they can't see it, or they act by emotion.
I work with a lot of banks, a lot of people in the finance sector, because in that area, the stock market moves fast. A lot of decisions need to be made out of calm and knowledge and facts. But people sometimes make decisions based on their emotions. And that's where it becomes a problem. In fact, that's where people in life in general have problems, because they let all the little things undealt with blur their judgment. It's like adding on layers and layers of extra thick Plexiglas in front of your glasses. You can't really get that clarity and that confidence that you need to do what it is that you have to do.
So how heavy is your coffee mug? Well, actually, it really doesn't matter. Even if you haven't suffered through great trauma, all these little things that are not dealt with are the ones that are keeping you from having this confidence, this clarity that you need in order to make that perfect call. How many coffee mugs have you been carrying? It's time to deal with it. Very often, we don't have time to do so. Things happen to us and we're in front of our coworkers, so we smile and go: "Oh, no, everything is fine. Everything is okay." Then you get home and your daughter asks you: "Are you okay, Mommy?" "Oh yeah, mommy is fine. Everything is fine. Yeah. Everything is okay." You don't deal with stuff, so it stays there, and it piles up in the drawer. And then another thing comes in, and another thing comes in...
And eventually, while you're thinking about the office, about a difficult decision you have to make, about a client, about a difficult conversation you need to have with a friend and you are very stressed out, your kid comes up behind you and says: "Hey mommy!" And you turn around and you go: "Ugh, what!!?" And then you realize: "Oh my gosh, this is not how I wanted to answer." You have the perfect answer in the drawer. You wanted to say: "Yes, sweetie, what can I do for you?" But somehow, this answer didn't come, because there were so many little things that were piled up on top.
It is time to deal with that stuff. When we go to the dentist, they get rid of your cavities, right? Well, it's time to get rid of all these little cavities. I'll be happy to have a virtual coffee with you so that I can help you get rid of all that stuff, but here's something that you can do right away, by yourself, that will start the process.
When something bothers you, if an event comes back as a flashback, if you keep thinking about this thing, whatever it is, stop and ask yourself: "What am I learning from this? What was my learning?" Because everything that comes into your life is designed to bring you a positive learning. It's bringing you a gift. So figure that out. Ask yourself: "What am I learning from this? In a year from now, when I look back, what will I have learned? How am I growing from this? How is this getting me into the next level of my life?" As soon as you get the learning, then the event will seem to be a lot less relevant. Until you learn from it, it's just going to stay there in your mind, bothering you and using up space in your prefrontal cortex.
Give me a shout. I'm happy to have a chat. And in the meantime, have a great coffee this morning. Take a sip and put it down!
GOING TO THE DENTIST ISN'T EMBARRASSING.
Why should taking care of your "mind-cavities" be? Sometimes, we need them to use their special tools to remove all the unwanted stuff, or to repair our cavities. Your brain needs a dentist too. And that's what I do: I help my clients, with my special tools, get rid of their old limiting beliefs and their negative self-talk.
Book your FREE Virtual Coffee with me so that we can start the process of getting you unstuck today!
Check out some of my previous blog posts...
What if you Could Work Only 9 Months per Year?
How to Go Beyond Your Limits