ARE YOU SPEAKING THE RIGHT LANGUAGE?

Before leaving for work, a woman placed the kitchen garbage bag in the middle of the kitchen for her husband to ‘see’ it on his way out through the back door so he could take it to the outdoor bin. When they got back from work at the end of the day, the garbage bag was still sitting there, in the middle of the kitchen. The wife asked her husband: “Why didn’t you take the garbage on your way out this morning?” The husband responded: “You never ‘told’ me to.”

This is a typical mismatch of representational systems. The wife is visual, while the husband is auditory.

MATCHING THEIR REPRESENTATIONAL SYSTEMS

Matching the language of the person you are interacting with will also create unconscious rapport and ensure they understood the message you are trying to share. Listen to the specific words that a person is using and speak in the same terms. By using the same terms, a person feels understood.

Here are four representational systems or communication styles that distinguish people.

VISUAL COMMUNICATORS

Seeing, memorizing and visually looking at images and pictures will be the preferred way for visual communicators to learn. The way things look, the appearance, is important to them. They need to ‘see’ it.

You can recognize them with the following physiological cues: they tend to speak and breath fast, they sit at the edge of their chair, usually at the front of the room, so they can ‘see’ what is going on.

If you are communicating with a visual communicator, make sure you show them images instead of giving them verbal instructions. They will respond well to a visual presentation with lots of slides. Use words like:

See what I mean?

Look, let’s do it this way.

I see your point of view.

It appears that…

Let me show you…

You can envision…

Imagine…

It is crystal clear

I don’t see it, it’s foggy.

Let’s stay focused.

Picture this…

Visual people are less distracted by noise. They can be oblivious to music or loud speaking if they cannot ‘see’ where the noise is coming from.

AUDITORY COMMUNICATORS

Auditory communicators learn by listening. Choose your words carefully as they will pay attention to each word. They will prefer to listen to an audiobook versus reading a paperback copy. They will pay attention to all noise and can be easily distracted by it as they are prompt to intent listening. They like talking on the phone, music, and will enjoy the sound of a nice voice. They could be annoyed by someone simply because of their voice pitch or tonality.

You can recognize them with the following physiological cues: They tend to speak and breathe normally and sit back in their chair, but with a straight posture.

When communicating with an auditory listener, you want to use words that ‘sound’ right, with an enjoyable tone of voice. Structure your sentences with words like:

Hear me out.

Listen, have you ever…

This sounds great…

Music to my ears…

Tune in on this…

Be all ears, this is important.

Does this ring a bell?

I hear you.

This resonates with me.

Do you question this?

KINESTHETIC COMMUNICATORS

Kinesthetic communicators need to ‘feel’. They like to do, move, act and feel the experience. They are interested in the concrete application of the concepts you are discussing. Their life is driven by their gut feeling. They learn by doing.

You can recognize them with the following physiological cues: They tend to speak and breathe slowly and sit back in their chair, laid back.

When communicating with a kinesthetic person, chose words like:

Can you feel it?

Get a hold of this concept.

Once you catch on to this…

If you tap into this…

It boils down to…

This works hand in hand with…

This is touching, thank you.

I need to grasp that concept.

It slipped through my fingers.

Try to make contact with…

Throw out the rest…

Turn this concept around and you get…

This is solid advice.

AUDITORY DIGITAL COMMUNICATORS

This is more likely the least known of all four types. They combine all other three communication preferences and they can ‘make sense’ of it all. They are like the Type O blood donor who can give to all other types. They can make sense of all types of communication styles. They learn by steps, sequences and procedures. They are analytical.

You can recognize them with the following physiological cues: They tend to speak in sequence and fast as their brain processes information very quickly. They speak to themselves maybe even out loud. They may appear as though they are not paying attention as they live inside their head, constantly thinking. They can listen to you with their full attention without looking at you.

When communicating with an Auditory Digital, use the following words:

I understand that you want to…

I think it is a brilliant idea.

I am learning that…

If you follow the process here…

Whatever you decide…

Would you consider…

How do you know?

It makes sense.

I experience this…

These are two distinct ways of…

I know…

This was an excerpt of my latest book: THINK Yourself® A RELATIONSHIPS PRO written in collaboration with Maureen Hagan. You can order your copy here.

Nathalie

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