We are almost there. Some of you have already stepped into the holiday period, while others are just about to slow down, yet still navigating family gatherings and social commitments. Maybe there is that one uncle you’re unsure about, a relative who makes you roll your eyes, or even people you love dearly who start getting on your nerves after spending too much time together. Whatever your situation, here are some neuroscience-based hacks to help you rewire your holiday mindset.
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First, let’s talk about neuroplasticity. This is your brain’s ability to form new neural pathways in response to your thoughts, behaviors, and experiences. It allows you to change how you react emotionally. For example, if every year you dread seeing a certain relative because of past tension, you can choose to create a new emotional association. Before the event, visualize yourself feeling calm, confident, and detached from old triggers. Repeated visualization helps build new neural pathways, literally training your brain to respond differently. Tell yourself, “I am not who I was last year. I respond differently. I choose peace. I am letting this go.” Repeating this in the days leading up to the gathering becomes a mental rehearsal that rewires your emotional default. When you see that person, your new response becomes, “I’m okay. I’ve got this.”
The next element is internal self-talk. Your inner voice shapes your reality. The ongoing dialogue you have with yourself influences both your beliefs and your emotional state. You might catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never get everything done before the holidays,” or “It’s always too much.” Instead, shift this consciously. Replace it with empowering language such as, “Everything that matters will get done. I can delegate. I can breathe. I deserve rest too.” Use mini mantras during the chaos, such as, “I used to believe this was overwhelming, and now I am willing to trust myself because I’ve got this. I am willing to bring calm into the room. I used to be stressed, and now I choose joy.” These statements change your neurochemistry in real time, reinforcing new behaviors and emotional patterns.
The third concept is your reticular activating system. This is the filtering mechanism in your brain that determines what you notice and focus on. It works closely with the amygdala, constantly scanning for what it perceives as important or threatening. If you repeatedly tell yourself, “The holidays are always stressful,” your brain will selectively highlight everything that confirms that belief, filtering out moments of joy. Instead, intentionally program your reticular activating system each morning. Say, “Today, I choose to notice moments of connection, peace, and laughter.” Your brain will then scan for evidence that supports this new perspective, drawing your attention to positive experiences and reinforcing a sense of calm and enjoyment.
When you bring these three elements together, the shift becomes powerful. Use neuroplasticity to visualize peaceful reactions before family gatherings and practice them ahead of time. Monitor your self-talk and flip stress-based language into empowering thoughts using phrases like, “I used to, and now I am willing to…” Prime your reticular activating system daily to notice joy, kindness, rest, and fun. By doing so, you greatly increase your chances of experiencing more harmonious relationships, greater emotional balance, and a holiday season that feels lighter, more connected, and genuinely enjoyable.
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