Happy Valentines Week! ??????

Whether you are looking for a new partner or have been married for years, the following will help you create, reinforce, rejuvenate and sustain happiness in your romantic relationships. Let’s start with tips for those of you are already in a relationship, then I will address tips if you are looking for a special someone.

ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP
If you are in a relationship, continue to nurture it. Take full interest in continually keeping the fire burning. I have a very busy life and supportive husband who makes my success do-able. The quality of time we spend together is crucial for a relationship to feel fulfilling for both parties. Here are just a few of the things that I do to ensure our relationships remain strong:

HAVE DATE NIGHTS
My husband and I have a date night, every week on Tuesday. I don’t teach, nor accept clients on date-night which is devoted to my husband. We go out, stay home and play cards, go to a movie or simply go for a walk.

TOUCH
Always ensure to continue to anchor your love with touch. Hold hands at least once a day. This allows insightful and valuable skin connection, which is better than any words. Find a way to spice things up in the bedroom. Communicate preferences. Sexuality is a primary need, like food, shelter and love. We live in a society with too many sexless marriages. This causes loss of closeness, passion, proximity, complicity and, sooner than later, adultery and divorce. Communication is instrumental for a healthy sexual relationship to happen between two people. When having intercourse for the first time as young adults, most experiences are far from satisfactory. Most guys don’t really know how to use their ‘instrument’ to please a girl, and most girls don’t want to talk about it. They don’t say anything to their partner, they even ‘fake’ it, and on that foundation a long disappointing relationship is built. The girl who doesn’t tell the boy what she likes and doesn’t like, ends up not wanting to have sex anymore. Why would she anyway? It is not fun for her. The other partner is frustrated and ends up wanting to look somewhere else. A lot of women have a limiting belief that sex is only fun for the man. Men just need to be taught, and it is your job ladies. You can read more in THINK Yourself® SEXY.

COMPLIMENT & ACKNOWLEDGE THEM
Give your significant other a compliment every day: “You are such a great spouse”, “I love you”, “That was a smart thing you said”, etc. There is always something to compliment every day. Pay attention and find it.

Never take your spouse for granted. I am very blessed that my husband is very involved in the household. I get undressed at night and put my clothes in the laundry basket and they miraculously show up on my dresser the next day, clean, folded and ready to wear again.

I never missed a day to point out to my husband that I noticed that the ‘laundry fairy’ was home again or simply with a “Thank you, I really appreciate everything you do for me.” Did some blouse came back from a load completely ruined? Yes. Many times. Did I complain? No. I prefer my laundry to be done my husband’s way than having to do it myself. By the way, if you hover around your partner and tell them exactly how to do something, there is a definite chance that they will give up and stop helping out.

Let them find their way and respect it. The point is, appreciate your significant other for what they do, let them know specifically what it is that you are most appreciative of. Compliments breed repetition. Criticism, not so much.

HAVE THEIR BACK
Always have each other’s back. In public, always back what your spouse is saying/doing, even if you disagree. You can always have a private conversation afterwards and discuss a different point of view—using the communication techniques discussed previously.

The truth doesn’t need to be defended. It is about the time and the place to have these types of conversations in a caring way, protecting your strong and happy relationship, knowing the personality style of your spouse. So what, your spouse just said something that is not quite exact?

Let’s look at an example: You are having dinner with friends and your spouse is telling the story of how they got home after work at 5 p.m.… You interrupt to say: “It was actually 6 p.m.” Then they continue with their story saying that they backed up on your kid’s bicycle blocking the driveway. You interrupt again saying: “The bike was there already when you left, you should have remembered it was there.” Your spouse is annoyed that you pointed this out in front of your friends and the conversation is derailed. The reason your spouse was mentioning the story was because your guests happen to own a bicycle store and he was hoping to get a discount, on the bike repair. The scene you ended up making diverted the conversation and the objective was not met. Instead, it went to hell in a hand-basket.
None of this matters. Yes, maybe, your spouse should have noticed the bike. Of course. However, it was an accident. They did not do it on purpose. Maintaining a strong relationship is a lot more important than the facts involved in an anecdote.

COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR LANGUAGE
Of course, you will have guessed this one. Communication is crucial for your relationship to last. Identify and communicate following your partner’s favourite personality style.

If you have done the STYLE-L.I.S.T. Personality Assesment, you know what style you are and what style is your partner. You can download the test for free here. (From the International No.1 Best Seller THINK Yourself® A RELATIONSHIPS PRO).

Here are some examples of communication dialogues for each style.
LOVE AND ROMANCE WITH A LEADER:
I like it when you …
You mean a lot to me…
I would love to hear your thoughts…
I trust you because you know…
You decide…
This will be our one and only chance to…?
Can you imagine in six months from now…
Can I ask you a question about…
The fact is…
You decide because I know you know…

LOVE AND ROMANCE WITH AN INFLUENCER:
How would you like to…
Wouldn’t it be fun to…
Let’s be spontaneous and…
How do you feel?…
What do you think about…I’m good with whatever you decide?
Having a good time…
How would you like to…
Want to give this a go?
I think this would be something that you would like…
I love that you…

LOVE AND ROMANCE WITH A SUPPORTER:
This sounds like something we would love to do…
Take your time and let me know what you think…
How are you doing…?
I’m lucky to have you in my life…
Thank you for all that you do…
I would like to know how you are feeling…
What are you thinking about…?
Your feelings matter to me…
That would really be great…
Let’s figure this out together…

LOVE AND ROMANCE WITH A THINKER:
If you could help me understand…
I need you…
What would you like to do today?
Let’s plan dinner together at 7 p.m. and spend the rest of the evening together…
It makes sense…
Let’s think this through…
Perfect…

LOOKING FOR LOVE

You can’t expect that love will happen to you, you have to happen to it.

LOOKING FOR LOVE
If you are looking for a job, you don’t stay home and expect that someone will come knocking at your door and hand you the perfect job, do you? Nor do you expect to get the top-rank position in the company you just started working for. You have to go out there and seek to find a job and once you have it, you have to work at it and work your way up through the organization until you get to the top. The same applies to love in your life—take responsibility for it.

Just like you would for a job search, make a list of everything you want in your love life and/or relationship. Be careful to include on your list only what you can control. For example, you can’t write: “I want them to have blue eyes”. Instead, write: “I am attracted to them”. You can control yourself, you cannot control them. Make a list with sentences that start with:
He/she makes me feel…
I love it when we do ‘this’ together.
I feel heard.
I feel respected.
I am attracted to him/her.
I feel understood.
I love that he/she gets me.
I am happy that he/she is there for me.
When I am working hard, he/she supports me.
We do lots of fun things together.
We are soul mates.

Make sure you are precise with your list. I coached a woman who wanted to find a boyfriend. After working on removing her limiting beliefs that all single men over forty necessarily already had kids or were not interesting, she worked on her list. She had pictured a perfect outcome and actually met a man that had everything on her list. All she had imagined was there. Only one problem: once she got it, she thought about something else she would have liked to be on the list. She called me and asked what to do.

This was great news. It meant that it had worked. She had been able to find what she wanted. I told her to do the process again and add on to her outcome the things that she had left off the list. Her first reaction was: “Well, I feel bad, this guy is quite nice, maybe he will do for a while, I don’t know if I want to meet someone else right now … what will happen if I make a new list and then meet the guy that has everything? Then, I will have to drop my present boyfriend and I would feel really bad.” Isn’t that funny how she was now in full awareness of her power and was afraid to dare and to want more for her life because she was in a satisfying situation?

Everything and everybody are stepping stones towards something else. We grow, we evolve, and we change. The first boyfriend she found was great. He served a great role in her life. He gave her the self-confidence to realize she could have more. She deserved more. Without him, she may not have found out. He was a stepping stone towards what was coming next for her. She would not be serving him by staying with him because she, also, was more likely a stepping stone in his life. They stayed together for a while and she decided to make another list to see what could happen. She found another guy and they are now travelling the world together. As it turned out, she dared and it happened.

ARE YOUR BELIEFS IN LINE WITH LOVE?
Do you believe there is someone out there for you? Do you believe that nobody could ever put up with the fact that you love your independence? Do you believe that single women over forty are single for a reason which means trouble and you should stay away from them? Do you see yourself as a faithful love partner? Can you picture yourself as a contributing significant other? Does it make sense for you to be with someone? What does the voice inside your head say when you think about starting a new relationship? Are you friendly and confident? Do you give a confident impression?

Love requires risk and openness. You can use the rephrasing limiting beliefs technique you have learned in order to now see yourself as being brave and optimistic. People are attracted to people who are interested (not interesting). Are you a warm interested person, caring? Are you a great listener? Use the communication techniques you have learned earlier to ask questions and listen with genuine interest: ask a question, listen, then ask another follow up question and get genuinely curious about what they are saying. When they say something, respond with: “Interesting, tell me more…”

Get to know yourself and love who you are! Take the time to make sure you really know yourself. Focus on your strengths and notice how wonderful you are. This will give you the confidence you need to trust you will be attractive and will be able to find love.

HEALING
Are you still healing from a previous relationship? We are not at our best self when we are hurt. Take the time to heal. Consult with someone if you need to. If you are feeling hurt, stunned and sad, how do you move yourself out of that, so you can get the confidence and space to heal and try again?

I have helped lots of people remove traumas and negative emotions from previous relationships to make sure her clients could start a fresh new life with someone else, without carrying old shadows with them. The first step is to allow time to heal you. Play. Enjoy your free time outside of a relationship for a while. Get together with friends to play games. Travel. Go to the spa. Allow yourself to be happy and regain strength.

When you are happy again and confident, you will have a better outlook to learn from your past. Then, ask yourself, what did not work? If you keep making the same poor choices over and over again, do something different. Look for a healthier habit and a way to do things that will serve you better this time around. Identify the patterns or past behaviors that did not serve you, so you can be conscious of the next choices you make. You know what you have done and don’t have to repeat it. It is not healthy to hold a belief that all men/women are the same. Change your belief and see people like the possibility for a solid fulfilling strong and loving relationship.

LOVE VS CAREER
How about finding love if you are career oriented? What if you are entirely focusing on your professional life? You have to hold the belief that there is someone out there that will support your efforts to build your career. You can choose to see them as a distraction or as a support system.

Do you hold a limiting belief that powerful men and women are intimidating? If love is important to you, you must leave room for it in your life. There is always time when something is important enough.

This was an excerpt from International No.1 Best Seller THINK Yourself® A RELATIONSHIPS PRO. You can find it here.