Why do we keep making the same mistakes repeatedly? And more importantly, how do we stop making mistakes altogether? Watch the video or keep reading for more.

Let’s first talk about the types of mistakes we make. Some mistakes are one-time learning experiences—like when a child touches a hot stove. They quickly learn not to do it again. But that’s not the kind of mistake we’re focusing on here.

The mistakes we struggle with most are behavioral patterns—bad habits we keep repeating. Maybe you’re always running late, talking too much, procrastinating, or engaging in behaviors that don’t serve you. These repeated mistakes are not because we don’t know better but because our brains have built-in biases that reinforce them.

The Role of Familiarity and Confirmation Bias

Our brains are wired with a familiarity bias, which makes us gravitate toward behaviors and patterns we’ve already used in the past. The brain likes predictability and categorizes experiences into neat little boxes. It doesn’t necessarily care whether a habit produces good or bad results—what matters is that we’ve done it before, and it feels familiar.

Another cognitive bias at play is confirmation bias—our tendency to seek out and reinforce what we already believe. If we believe we’re bad at time management, for example, every time we’re late, it reinforces that belief. Instead of shifting our mindset and learning from our mistakes, we subconsciously confirm our existing patterns.

Why We Struggle to Learn from Mistakes

When we make mistakes, we often feel bad about them. This negative emotional response releases stress chemicals in our bodies, making us less resourceful. And when we’re in a poor emotional state, our ability to learn and adapt is significantly reduced.

In contrast, research shows that when we succeed at something and are reminded of that success, we are more likely to repeat the positive behavior. Success feels good, and when we feel good, we are in an optimal learning state. The problem is that our biases push us toward repeating past mistakes instead of learning from them.

The Key to Breaking the Cycle

The solution lies in activating our cognitive control—the part of the brain responsible for changing our response to mistakes. This means shifting our mindset and reframing how we perceive mistakes.

Instead of beating ourselves up, we should accept that mistakes are part of being human. Nobody is perfect. (Well, maybe except my husband—at least according to him! He jokingly insisted I add that while brainstorming this blog.)

So what’s the mindset shift? Instead of saying, “I will never make this mistake again,” try saying, “I will make a better mistake next time.” Expect that mistakes will happen—it’s normal. The goal is not perfection but continuous improvement.

Embrace Mistakes to Stop Making Them

If you can start feeling comfortable with your mistakes, you will be in a better position to learn from them. When you remove the shame and guilt, you activate cognitive control, which allows you to make better decisions moving forward.

The key takeaway? Feel good about your mistakes. When you do, you create the mental space to grow, adapt, and ultimately break the cycle of repeating them.

That’s how we stop making the same mistakes over and over.

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