If you are looking for a job, you don’t stay home and expect that someone will come and knock at your door to hand you out the perfect job, do you? Nor do you expect to get the perfect amazing top of the rank position in the company you are only starting with. You have to go out there and look for a job and once you have it, you have to work at it and grow it until you get to the top.

According to Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology at the University of Washington, you have to take responsibility for love in your life.

LOOKING FOR LOVE

Here are Schwartz’ tips if you are looking for love in your life:

Look at yourself as someone with a partner. See yourself like a great significant other. Are you friendly and confident? Do you give a confident impression. Love requires risk and openness, so see yourself as being brave, optimistic. People are attracted to people who are interested (not interesting). Are you a warm interested person, caring? Are you a great listener? Here is how you can do this: Ask questions and listen with more than superficial interest: ask a question, listen, then ask again another follow up question and get genuinely be curious about what they are saying. When they say something, respond with: ”Interesting…. say more….”

Get to know yourself and love that! Take the time to make sure you really know yourself. Focus on your strengths and notice how wonderful you are. This will give you the confidence you need to trust you will be attractive and will be able to find love.

LOVE VS CAREER

How about finding love if you are a powerful woman, career oriented?

Do you hold a limiting belief that powerful women are intimidating? If love is important to you, you must leave room for it in your life. There is always time when something is important enough.

HEALING

And what if you are still healing from a previous relationship? We are not at our best self when we are hurt. Take the time to heal. If you are feeling hurt, stunned and sad, how do you move yourself out of that so you can get the confidence and space to heal and try again? Play, enjoy a bit of free time, get together with friends to play games, travel, go to the spa, allow yourself to be happy and regain strength. When you are happy again and confident, you will have a better outlook to learn from your past. Ask yourself what did not work? If you keep making the same bad choices over and over again, do something different, change for a healthier habit and a way to do things that will serve you better this time. Identify the patterns or past behaviors that did not serve you, so you can be conscious about the next choices. You know what you have done and don’t have to repeat it. It is not healthy to hold a belief that all men are the same. Change your belief about men and see them as the possibility for a solid fulfilling strong relationship.

ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP

If you are in a relationship, Pepper Schwartz gives us two important, easy to do, tips:

1. Always hold hands at least once a day. This allows insightful and valuable skin connection, which is better than any words.

2. Give your significant other a compliment everyday. ”You are great”, ”I love you”, ”That was a smart thing you said”, etc. There is always something to compliment every day. Pay attention and find it.

You can hear more about Pepper Schwartz by following her on twitter: @pepperschwartz and looking her up at lifereimagined.org