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Why is it that some people reject your advice instantly?<\/p>\n
Sometimes you have brilliant ideas, and you share them with someone, yet it feels like they are mentally saying, \u201cLa, la, la, la\u2026\u201d and not hearing a single word you say. Even though you are trying to help and explaining all the reasons why your idea makes sense, they still resist it.<\/p>\n
The reason is often linked to a different meta-program.<\/p>\n
Watch the video or continue reading to find out more.<\/p>\n
Meta-programs are the systems in our brain that influence how we process information, make decisions, stay motivated, and interact with the world. There are more than 60 meta-programs that, in combination, shape our personality, motivation patterns, work style, and productivity style.<\/p>\n
I personally work with about 16 of them through the LAB Profile\u00ae, developed by Roger Bailey and made internationally well known by Shelle Rose Charvet.<\/p>\n
One of the most important motivation patterns is called \u201cSource.\u201d<\/p>\n
People tend to operate from either an internal source or an external source.<\/p>\n
People with an internal source know internally what is right for them. They do not necessarily need others to tell them what to do. If you ask them, \u201cHow do you know you have done a good job?\u201d they will often answer, \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
People with an external source, on the other hand, look for feedback, reassurance, guidance, or external validation before making decisions. They may want to know what studies say, what experts recommend, or what everyone else is doing before they feel comfortable moving forward.<\/p>\n
This distinction completely changes the way you should communicate with them.<\/p>\n
Internal source people trust their own judgment first. So telling them, \u201cYou should absolutely do this,\u201d often creates resistance. Instead, you want to use suggestive language.<\/p>\n
You might say:
\u201cHere are a few options for you to consider.\u201d
Or:
\u201cYou\u2019ll know what makes the most sense for your situation.\u201d<\/p>\n
Internal people are not necessarily ignoring other people\u2019s opinions. They simply gather information and facts, then decide for themselves in the end. They appreciate ideas, but they want to remain in control of the final decision.<\/p>\n
External source people are different. They are often reassured by knowing what others think or what successful people are doing.<\/p>\n
You can say things like:
\u201cEverybody is using this.\u201d
Or:
\u201cTop performers in the industry are already doing this successfully.\u201d<\/p>\n
For an external person, this type of language provides reassurance and validation.<\/p>\n
You will often hear them say things like:
\u201cI need to talk to my spouse first.\u201d
\u201cI want to hear what my boss thinks.\u201d
\u201cI should check with my colleague.\u201d<\/p>\n
They naturally seek external input before deciding.<\/p>\n
However, if you use \u201ceverybody is doing this\u201d with a highly internal person, they may immediately resist. They might think:
\u201cI don\u2019t care what everybody else is doing. I\u2019ll decide for myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Instead, you could say:
\u201cYou can decide whether this approach fits the way you like to operate.\u201d
Or:
\u201cA lot of people are using this, but you\u2019ll decide if it is the right fit for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
That subtle shift in language makes a huge difference.<\/p>\n
The same thing applies when people say:
\u201cTrust me. This is the best strategy.\u201d<\/p>\n
External people may respond well to that. Internal people usually do not.<\/p>\n
In fact, at the beginning of most relationships, you should assume people are internal toward you. Even if they generally operate from an external source, they may not yet trust you enough to value your opinion.<\/p>\n
When someone says, \u201cTrust me,\u201d an internal person may immediately think:
\u201cWhy should I trust you?\u201d<\/p>\n
A better approach would be:
\u201cTake a look at it and see if it aligns with what you believe is best.\u201d<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s look at a workplace example.<\/p>\n
Imagine a senior leader presenting a new process to a department head who is highly internal. The more the leader insists, \u201cThis is the right way,\u201d the more resistance appears. If you have ever raised teenagers, you probably know exactly what this feels like.<\/p>\n
But if the leader shifts their language and says:
\u201cReview it and decide what would work best for your team,\u201d
the department head suddenly becomes much more open.<\/p>\n
Now let\u2019s look at the external source person.<\/p>\n
These individuals look for feedback, guidance, validation, and expert opinions. With them, stronger direction can actually feel reassuring.<\/p>\n
Instead of saying:
\u201cWell, you\u2019ll know what is best,\u201d
you could say:
\u201cBased on what I\u2019ve seen, I strongly recommend this direction.\u201d<\/p>\n
Or instead of:
\u201cYou decide,\u201d
you could say:
\u201cThe leadership team agrees this would be the best next step.\u201d<\/p>\n
Imagine a new manager who feels overwhelmed and uncertain. They may be external toward you because they value your expertise and want reassurance.<\/p>\n
If you say:
\u201cWell, only you can decide,\u201d
they may feel abandoned.<\/p>\n
But if you say:
\u201cHere\u2019s what I recommend and why,\u201d
they often feel relieved and supported.<\/p>\n
One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming everyone wants to be communicated with the same way.<\/p>\n
We naturally tend to communicate according to our own preferences and forget to pay attention to who is in front of us.<\/p>\n
There is no right or wrong style.<\/p>\n
Internal people may sometimes appear highly confident or even borderline arrogant because they trust their own judgment so strongly. External people may appear more collaborative because they naturally seek input and reassurance.<\/p>\n
Neither style is better. They are simply different ways of processing decisions.<\/p>\n
The key is adapting your language.<\/p>\n
When speaking to internal people, suggestion language is incredibly powerful:
\u201cYou think about it.\u201d
\u201cYou\u2019ll decide what works best for you.\u201d
\u201cI\u2019ll give you the options, and then you can determine what fits best.\u201d<\/p>\n
Some people are internal in certain situations and external in others. Context matters. Someone may be highly internal at work but external in relationships, health decisions, or financial matters.<\/p>\n
Human behavior is flexible, and these patterns shift depending on the environment, the relationship, and the level of trust involved.<\/p>\n
Now that you understand the difference between internal and external source patterns, you can adjust your communication style and dramatically increase the chances that people will actually hear what you are saying instead of mentally shutting you off the moment you offer advice.<\/p>\n
<\/strong><\/p>\n Check out some of my previous blog posts…<\/strong><\/p>\n The One Habit that Keeps Leaders Stuck<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n
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